Monday, 9 May 2016

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS ..... and a joke !! .....


Blogging inspiration has eluded me of late ......


..... and, I have suffered a series of unfortunate events .....


First, two GINORMOUS cold sores appeared on my top lip ..... very attractive .....


..... then, my parotid salivary gland was blocked and swelled to GINORMOUS proportions !! ..... even more attractive .....


and then, after, smashing my foot against the skirting board, giving me three bruised toes, I got a touch of sciatica .....


..... and then, as a final insult, I sprained my ankle, turning it over and falling down the garden steps. I now can't walk on it, I can't drive and my foot is the colour of a rainbow !!!!
SO .....
glass half full positively brimming over and, ever the optimist .....

here's the joke :



Late in the night, he finally regained consciousness.
He was in the hospital, in terrible pain.
 
He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms,
a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him.
He realised that he was obviously in a life- threatening situation.
 
The nurse gave him a serious, deep look, straight into his eyes, then spoke to him slowly
and clearly, enunciating each word and syllable, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply,
"Can I feel your boobs, then?"
 
AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS AN OPTIMIST!!






SORRY !!






image 1: via pinterest, images 2 & 5: via livestrong, image 3: via new health advisor, image 4: via mirror, image 6: via bloglovin

Jackie

52 comments:

  1. Hahahaha i like your humor.....we are the Same in That Way...love your post take care and be Nice for yourself...love love love Ria x

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    1. You have to keep smiling don't you Ria ? XXXX

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  2. Oh Jackie, you are an optimist. Poor dear. Had them all but the salivary gland. Knock on wood. I wondered what wonderful adventures you were having. Alas, enjoy your days resting. There, I am an optimist too.

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    1. I get the salivary gland thing about 3 times a year ...... there's nothing that can be done about it but, in the great scheme of things, it's nothing is it Donna ? No adventures at the moment ..... laying on the sofa with my foot above my heart is all I can manage !!!!! XXXX

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  3. So sorry dear Jackie - you have really been through the wringer lately. Hope all heals quickly and you will soon be up and at 'em again.

    I'm off to Ireland Wed. so time is short now - will keep you in my thoughts and hopefully will be able to check on you later.

    Warm hugs - Mary x

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    1. Thanks Mary ..... they are all small things really compared to what some people have to endure so I'm not complaining.
      I wish you a wonderful holiday in Ireland and look forward to hearing all about it. Happy travels. XXXX

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  4. SO< SORRY..........come to my blog and GO SHOPPING WITH ME!!!!
    I hope everyone is being EXTRA KIND!
    XX

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    1. Shopping with you has really helped Elizabeth !! ....... shopping cures EVERYTHING !! XXXX

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  5. Poor you. Life has a way of chucking a barrow load of woes at us all at once. My only advice is to think back to when times were perfect, and know that they will be again. Love Cro x

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    1. Thanks Cro but I don't like to moan as many suffer much more than I am. Each little ailment is better each day so I will be back to normal very soon. ...... more importantly, what are you going to do with those tomatoes ?!!!! XXXX

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  6. Oh dear..all at once eh? well I haven't had the gland one but yes to the others.....at least your humour is in fine fettle.....feel better soon x

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    1. I don't think many people have had the gland thing Libby ..... it's not very common !! ..... and, things are looking up .... the swelling is going down on my foot and neck, the cold sores are diminishing and can now be camouflaged with a clever application of concealerand my back feels a bit easier !! XXXX

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  7. Oh, Jackie poor you...but as ever always there with a joke, you are lovely.
    Hope all mends soon, sending you my love xx
    Catherine
    catherinerobinsoncashmere.com/blog

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    1. I don't like to complain too much Catherine as there are many going through far more than me. That's what always puts everything into perspective for me.
      Lots of love. XXXX

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  8. Oh what a stoic sense of humour with which you bear those many misfortunes! I hope that you will get well soon, Jackie - though a strained ankle takes it time... I hope you have as fine weather as we have at the moment - sort of summer with 27°C - so you can sit in your lovely garden, rest your foot on a chair, and drink a Pimm's No 1. I am sure that you will make the best of it - and someone will be there to carry everything you need for you... Britta XXX

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    1. Just small things really Britta, compared to what others are going through.
      We have had some lovely weather but it is going to rain for about a week now ..... typical British weather !! XXXX

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  9. Oh Jackie you poor thing, i hope you feel better soon.xx

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    1. Thanks Deb ...... all ailments are on the mend !! XXXX

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  10. Oh Jackie, I needed that laugh. Ha Ha. So sorry to hear of your list of ailments. I hope you are up and about in no time.

    Helen xx

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    1. Hi Helen ..... you have to keep smiling, don't you ?
      Everything seems to be improving daily. XXXX

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  11. Oh my . . . so sad for your "stuff happening" . . . but the joke helped . . .
    I hope it gave you a smile too!

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    1. Hi Lynne ........ it's funny how everything happen's a once, isn't it but it's no good getting down in the dumps, so a joke really helps !!!!! They say that laughter is the best medicine ..... I think it's already helping as everything seems much better. XXXX

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  12. You poor dear! (Sciatica's the worst, though I've never experienced the salivary gland thing.)
    I hope it all goes away very soon. I always enjoy the photos you select. I can't imagine how much time you must put in to searching for just the right ones. Feel better.

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    1. I did have sciatica once about 20 years ago and it left me a bit vulnerable in that area Shawn. The salivary gland thing happens to me about three times a year and is fairly rare ..... none of these things are terrible, just annoying and there are other's suffering terribly so I don't like to moan. I rarely have anything wrong with me so all of these things at once was very unusual to say the least.
      Thanks so much for your lovely comment and for following me on Pinterest. XXXX

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  13. Hahaaaa, love it!
    Oh no Jackie - hope you feel better soon!
    PS: I picked up some Euphorbia!!
    xox

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    1. It's always best to look on the funny side of things isn't it Carol ?
      .... and, I'm so pleased that you got some Euphorbia ..... I hope that it will perform beautifully for you. Mine was very slow to get going last year but, once it did, it was amazing. I must order some !! XXXX

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  14. Dear oh dear, what a chapter of accidents. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Not being able to drive must be a bit of a problem.

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    1. It was Nick but not the end of the world !! .... I am going to give driving go today ! XXXX

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  15. I do hope you are better soon. We gals of a certain age, need to be more careful. I know as I just recovered from falling out of a tree! We need healthy bodies to continue to carry around our sharp and hilarious minds :D

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    1. Oh Z ..... are you OK ? That must have been a bit of a shock ...... did you have any injuries ?
      We definitely must look after ourselves. XXXX

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  16. Hahaha, Jackie. Too funny. But OUCH, you've really had it tough lately. So sorry to read your various calamaties...and I think you've broken the rule of threes too no less. :( Here's wishing you inspiration for blogging and the ability to engage life more fully (and safely)...right around the corner.

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    1. Nothing too awful Michael but it was just one thing after the other ...... this getting old lark isn't fun !!!! XXXX

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  17. Oh oh my goodness you have been in the wars - everything that could have happened, did happen. Sounds like you are putting a brave face on it Jackie, you poor thing - hope everything gets back to normal soon - at least you haven't lost your sense of humour :) take care of yourself.

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    1. Thanks Elaine ...... all of my little ailments are healing nicely ..... I'm going to give driving a go today. Hope all's well with you and your home is drying out .... that must have been so awful. You take care too. XXXX

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  18. It's no fun being laid up in Spring. I hope you are looking after your ankle better than I am mine. Scratch that.. I know you are! Get well soon x

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    1. After I twisted my ankle, I carried on gardening for another 5 hours or so !!!!! Not a good idea ! But, when I realised that it was quite bad, I made sure that i elevated it and put ice packs on it and, fingers crossed, it seems to be much better. You take care of yours Jessica .... you've got that lovely garden to look after ! XXXX

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  19. I'm glad you're on the mend Jackie. Yes, as you say, there is always someone going through worse but, in any case and no matter what, pain and illness is always a discomfort to anyone; we all need plenty of love to feel better. Hugs from me. Greetings Maria x

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    1. Thanks Maria ...... everything seems to be on the mend now thank goodness. I just seemed to get one thing after the other but none of them were terrible ...... just annoying !! Wishing you a lovely week. XXXX

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  20. I was so looking forward to seeing your post I've missed you, thought you might have been off to somewhere wonderful, then I read all that you've gone through all in such a short time. But I ended with a big smile on my face, so glad your humour hasn't suffered. Glad to see that you are now on the mend, take care my friend and don't go at it like 'a bull in a china shop'

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  21. Dear Barbara,
    Thank you so much for such a lovely comment ........ everything is on the mend now ..... none of it was too terrible, it was just that it all came at once !! I was actually watching a bird as I came down the steps and turned my ankle over !!! Silly me !!! I do think that, as we get older, we have to be a bit more careful, don't you ? XXXX

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  22. I was so sorry to read about all the health issues you are having. I have had all but salivary problem so can relate. Hate a cold sore! I would love to borrow your joke as I had planned to write a post about my own recent health problems and think this would be a great way to maintain my optimism. Sure hope you will be doing better real soon. Maybe being off your feet will give the back time to heal.

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    1. Hi Elizabeth and many thanks for your lovely comment. All of my little ailments are now on the mend and all is pretty much back to normal apart from a lovely yellow/purple bruise on my foot !!!!
      ... and, you borrow away ...... we all need to have a bit of a laugh ...... the best medicine as far as I'm concerned. Keep positive and I wish you well. XXXX

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  23. Oh Jackie, I am so sorry to hear of your mishaps. They sound horrible, especially the glands and the lips... I know all about strained ankles, but I have to say that it has certain advantages too! The story of the man in the hospital bed made me LOL. Men!

    Keep up the good spirit!

    Have a good weekend ahead Jackie!

    Madelief xox

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    1. Hi Madelief ....... all of my little mishaps are on the mend now and none are serious .... it was just that they all came at once !! Am off to the greenhouse to plant on some sweet peas.
      Hope you are enjoying your garden. XXXX

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  24. Haha.....at least your sense of humor is intact! Nothing else to donut rest, relax, kick your feet up and have a few cocktails! 😁 I hope you're on the mend soon! xxoo

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    1. Hi Cathi,
      It is so important to keep your sense of humour when these things happen, isn't it ? All's well now apart from a MASSIVE yellow/purple bruise on my foot !!!!! Cocktails are a very important part of the healing process !!
      Hope hat you and Alex are well and that you are getting to spend lots of time with your grand daughter. Sending love from the UK. XXXX

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  25. Feeling sorry to see your misshape.Take care!

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    1. Thank-you so much ...... all's well now ..... I must watch where I'm going and not fall down the garden steps !!!!
      Happy weekend to you. XXXX

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  26. Wow! You have had a bad run of luck! I do have some good news for you though! I've had fever blisters all my life also, not so many as I've gotten older but guess what there's a cure!! When you very first feel one coming on, and I mean that first tingle, take an ice cube and continuously rub it over the spot, I do it till it melts away. I usually do at least 2 just to be sure. Depending on how early you catch it, it will never develop and if just starting to form the bump, it will disappear or stay small. It really works and best part, it's free! Beats paying up to $20 bucks for something really doesn't work! Hope you recoup quickly!
    Rebecca

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    1. Thanks SO much for your cold sore remedy Rebecca ...... I hadn't had one for years and then got two which probably means I shall be getting more so I shall definitely be applying the ice treatment !! ...... and, you are SO right about the price of those cold sore creams ..... they are SO expensive and don't really do anything.
      Happy weekend to you. XXXX

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  27. Gosh girlfriend! You make me hurt just reading about all you have done to yourself !!! :)))) but boy, do I ever LOVE your attitude!!! That's the thing I admire in you so much dear Jackie. You can always find something to laugh about and now you have given me one...the joke will have me chucking all day and probably every time I think of you now. Thank you so much for being who you are and always making me laugh. What a joy it has been to know you!
    much love from me!!!

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