Tuesday, 9 December 2014

BY INVITATION ….. IF MONEY WAS NO OBJECT, WHAT CHRISTMAS PRESENTS WOULD YOU BUY …..

Our By Invitation subject this month is Christmas presents and what you would buy if money was no object ….. 


Christmas is coming and it's time to throw money around like there's no tomorrow, trying desperately hard to please our loved ones …..


…..  I'm a bit reluctant to buy into the mass hysteria of spend, spend, spend …. it gets downright obscene at this time of year, Black Friday being an example.

SO …..

I've been kind enough to source some lovely but unusual presents that are not too expensive and will please your loved ones far more than anything in a Tiffany box, Birkin handbag or a pair of shoes with red soles ….. NO ….. don't thank me …. it's been a pleasure and, feel free to email me for suppliers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




First off the tee is the Uroclub ….. men are so hard to buy for and, if your other half, brother, uncle, nephew or best friend plays golf, they will be over the moon to open the Uroclub on Christmas morning and, next time on the golf course, they will be the envy of all of their friends when they get caught short at the tenth hole !!


Next, smoking mittens. No longer will smokers have to huddle together for warmth as they quickly smoke in sub Arctic temperatures. Smoking mittens have a hole you can smoke through !!


When someone tells you that they really don't want anything for Christmas, well, you really can get them nothing ….. unfortunately, you have to pay something for nothing ….. £3.99 !!!!



Introducing the wine bottle glass because, lets face it, drinking straight from the bottle is so unsophisticated !!



The Rejuvenique Anti - Ageing Mask claims to keep your face youthful and rejuvenated ….. it could also double as a hockey mask or Halloween costume.



Just one for those with more money than sense, recreate the effect of lounging about in a large, grassy meadow a la ' Honey I Shrunk The Kids " ….. unfortunately it comes with a $13,400.00 price tag !!!!!


If you like to give homemade presents and are good at knitting, how about these ? Perfect for this time of year but, if you don't fancy wearing them this way, you could always wear them on your head at the next office Christmas party.





Forget about Cocoa Butter and Honey Jojoba. Anyone who's anyone is washing in cherry scented bags of blood shower gel. The perfect way to freshen up after a tough day battling against werewolves and armies of undead Zombies !!




Happy Christmas shopping !!





For some nicer Christmas present ideas, Marsha has all of the links to participating blogs. 








image 1: via inspiration lane, image2: via pinterest, image 3: via recabrones, images 4, 5 & 7: via cocoloids, image 6: via getting personal, image 8: via over 50's forum, image 9: via clarissa's blog, image 10: via daily mail, image 11: via the world of kitsch, image 12: via neatocoolville


Jackie

78 comments:

  1. You are too funny. If money was no option I would buy everyone in my family their very own brand new vehicle. Something small and convenient....good on gas mileage and the environment. Maybe I should tell them :)

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    1. What a great idea …… if only !! XXXX

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  2. You have the best posts . . . I think I will pick up one "grassy meadow" tomorrow!
    Merry Christmas Jackie . . .

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    1. Haha ….. wouldn't we all like a ' grassy meadow in our lounge Lynne !!
      Wishing you and your family the most wonderful Christmas. XXXX

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  3. Oh Jackie, I can´t stop smiling in this early morning......the best presents ever :-)))))! So sad, that knitting is not my passion - these pants are really hot ;). Christmas shopping could be so funny - loooooove this post! Have a wonderful Christmas time,

    with love and hugs, Jade

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    1. I'm glad that I could give you a little laughter this morning Jade …… those knitted pants are revolting aren't they !!!
      Have a magical Christmas Jade. XXXX

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  4. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha X10
    I'm dying with laughter. This is wonderful, just the sort of post we should all do. Of course, I don't have this kind of wit to create the post, so I enjoy what you do so very much. I don't know which gift I love the most !!! Seems you have the "men" on the list handled very well.

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    1. Hi Marsha …… I'm not sure if everyone understood this post …. I think some thought that I was serious !! XXXX

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  5. Loving those knitted underpants - too funny - I mean, really! It does get harder every year to find something original to buy - you have saved me the trouble.

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    1. They are pretty revolting aren't they Elaine …. I rather liked the golf thingy !!!! XXXX

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  6. Oh Jackie, I always love reading your blog, so imaginative and hilariously funny.I hope I can remember where I've put my knitting needles :) I can just see you laughing when you put those pics on your post. and I hope the men in your family enjoy their Christmas pressies chosen by you
    I'm sure your Christmas will be fun. have a wonderful time xx

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    1. Thanks Barbara …. trouble is, I think that some people thought I was serious !!
      Have a magical Christmas. XXXX

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  7. Jackie...this is great...as always ;) Love your gift ideas...I need to know where to buy the glass/bottle...brilliant present!!
    You are a STAR...wishing you and your family a very happy christmas xx

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    1. Hahaha …. you can't beat a funny pressie at Christmas can you Catherine ?!!!! As I said above, the trouble is, I think that some people think I'm serious !!
      Wishing you and your family the most special Christmas … enjoy the festivities … you never know, someone just might buy you the glass/bottle !! XXXX

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  8. O. Jackie we do not give presents for Christmas.................every day is a gift.....love you Ria....x!..............but That knottend thing is my favorite😀!

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    1. You have the right idea Ria …. it's about family and friends.
      Have a magical Christmas Ria. XXXX

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  9. Wow some really unique ideas here, LOVE that wine bottle, too cute! Happy holidays!

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    1. I think that most of us love the wine bottle glass !!
      Have a great Christmas. XXXX

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  10. Yes, the wine bottle glass is definitely the one for me. This is probably why I need the facial rejuvenator too... :)

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    1. Hahahaha ….. I think you've got that right Jessica … me too !!!! XXXX

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  11. Hahaha, Jackie - you managed to make me grin over each of your hand-picked super-gifts!!! I'm still in a frenzy which item to wish for... If I don't sound immodest, I want two of the Protone green meadow chairs - they would fill our balcony so nicely, be the envy of tout Berlin, AND I wouldn't need a balcony sitter when leaving home for a holiday. The last picture is firing my inspiration too - could be the book-cover of my new book written about the well-known topic: "Less is more".
    Have a beautiful Christmas! Britta XXX

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    1. Oh Britta …. I could just see a couple of those meadow chairs on your balcony !!! ….. and, I LOVE that last picture too !! XXXX

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  12. Jackie, leave it to you to always find the unthought of take on the theme! Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas!!

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    1. You too Heather ….. I LOVED your piece of writing….. I need to know what happens next.
      Merry, merry Christmas to you and your family. XXXX

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  13. YOU had LOTS of FUN researching this.....................HYSTERICAL!
    MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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    1. There's nothing better than a bit of fun Elizabeth …. it does you the world of good !!
      Merry, merry Christmas to you and your family. XXXX

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  14. Really wonderful,heartwarming Christmas to you and your family,Jackie!!!
    I like to read your post with a BIG smile on my face.........:)))
    Great gifts for our most beloved people's!
    Absolutely stunning post for the item from Marsha!:)))

    Wish you beautiful December,
    Hugs from Amsterdam,
    V.

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    1. Thank you so much Violetta …. it's good to have a laugh …. best medicine in the world.
      I wish you the most magical Christmas. XXXX

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  15. Oh, these are delightful and very funny! (You've given me a few ideas...)

    Wishing you a warm and wonderful holiday season!

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    1. Haha ….. my favourite is the golf thing ….. not very good for female golfers though !!!
      Have the most magical Christmas. XXXX

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  16. :) One better than the other !
    But this glass of wine ... You can taste and taste and taste and ...

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    1. I think that everyone loves the bottle glass ….. what does that say about us ?!!!! XXXX

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  17. Jackie... you are the best!
    How you come up with these ideas I'll never know... but I'm so happy you do... :) xv

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    1. Ahwwww shucks Vicki !!!!! I just like to bring a bit of humour to the proceedings !!!!
      Lots of love. XXXX

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  18. These gifts are outstanding. I wish my father-in-law were still alive so I could give him the uroclub. He was an avid golfer and would have laughed so hard at receiving such a thing. However, if I had enough money to give someone the perfect gift, I would pay off The Hurricane's student loans.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Hi Janie,
      That Uroclub was my favourite …… just not very helpful for lady golfers !!
      Student loans …… YUK …. Mine got off debt free thank goodness …. that would be the perfect gift. XXXX

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  19. Jackie, your ideas are so cool and the descriptions so reminiscent of Exchange & Mart they make me feel all nostalgic and even take me back to my brothers' knitted swimming trunks. I will of course seek out a few frugal items of which I currently have no idea what on Christmas Eve and I am able to look forward all the more to Christmas Day with these gifts in my mind. Rachelx

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    1. My Dad had knitted swimming trunks Rachel. Probably the worst material for the purpose but I guess there wasn't anything else was there ? ……. know what you mean about Exchange & Mart. They also remind me of the ads in the back of the Daily Mirror !! XXXX

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  20. OH MY GOSH GIRL---you cracked me up with this post. I can't wait to show it to Dale!!! Just hilarious! I have the flu and needed a little pick up and this was just what the Doctor ordered!
    I just love your sense of humor.....blood bath shower gel....I think that will be on my mind every time I step into mine :)))
    much love...

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    1. Hope that you're getting over the 'flu now June …… glad that my silly presents helped a bit !!! There was also another shower gel. It was a big nose and you dispensed green shower gel out of the nostril !!!!
      Much love back June. XXXX

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  21. Please forward me that knitting pattern! And of course I must have the wine glass so I can knit continuously, with out having to refill my glass! Brilliant Jackie!

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    1. Knitting pattern on the way Jennifer !!!! …. and the bottle glass makes the perfect accompaniment whilst you're knitting !! XXXX

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  22. Do you really think there are golfers who'd walk around carrying their own pee?!!! You found the most extraordinary presents, christmas day should be fun at your house!

    Sharon
    xx

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  23. I think that they do Sharon …… it's unfortunate but there isn't a female equivalent !!!! { well, I don't think there is !!!!!! } …. I think that I might do a bit better on the Christmas present front than the above ……. I don't think any of my family would appreciate any of those presents { well, maybe the bottle wine glass !! } XXXX

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  24. My most fervent and heartfelt Christmas wish for you, dear Jacqueline, is that no one will give you any of those very admirable things above.

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    1. My most fervent and heartfelt wish too Mise !!!! XXXX

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  25. One of the best gifts for me at the moment - lets say for the pre-Christmas time - is your post!
    Interesting - joking - witty.... and your naughtiness is unsurpassable! Your wonderful sense of humour cannot be topped by any one in the blog world so far!
    What else can I say - just simply love it ! PRICELESS.
    For you, dear Jackie, keep warm and stay "cool" during these days in London.
    Heartfelt greetings from the Périgord, karin

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    1. Dear Karin …… I'm so glad that they made you smile ….. there's no better tonic than laughter is there ?
      Our weather is cold but, beautifully sunny, blue skies and magnificent sunrises and sunsets.
      Sending love from the UK to the Périgord. XXXX

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  26. Oh my gosh, Jackie. You just gave me the best gift of all - I am laughing so hard and smiling big. I can't believe that these things actually exist. Your cleverness and sense of humor is, indeed, priceless. Here's to a happy "ho, ho, ho" kind of Christmas! XOXO

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    1. I can't believe that they exist either !!!!
      Wishing you and your friends and family the happiest of Christmases. XXXX

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  27. OMG these are funny! Love the "uroclub" especially....

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    1. I loved the Uroclub too …… I'd love to see someone using it !!!! XXXX

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  28. Your presents had me LOL Jackie. That boxer short. It must itch terribly!!! Imagine someone wearing it :--)

    This certainly is a fun start of the Christmas period!!

    Way to go Jackie!!!

    Madelief xox

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  29. Hi Madelief,
    Those knitted boxer shorts are pretty revolting, aren't they ?!! It's amazing what you can buy on the internet !! XXXX

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  30. Oh Jackie, how you have embarrassed me. I should have known better than to decide to read your post as I rode quietly on Bus Eireann's express bus to Cork City. Everyone on the bus was looking at me as I uncontrollably laughed and the more they looked the worse I got. Haa haaaa. This is the funniest piece of writing ever. The pee towel and the knitted smalls took the biscuit. What a gift you have in writing and we are so fortunate to have you.
    Fondest wishes for a Happy Christmas.
    Helen xx

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    1. Oh Helen ……. I don't know about having a gift in writing ….. I just like funny things !!!!!
      …. sorry you were embarrassed !!
      Wishing you the merriest of Christmases. Lots of love. XXXX

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  31. OMG Jac, I still have Son #5's Teddy Ruxpin in a box under the stairs - this puts a whole new slant on things, at 31 he'd love your version!! Of course my Christmas wish is for a never ending supply of IV Propofol for the the Christmas Grump MOTH. He's just woeful at the moment, so it's just about time to knock him out 'til New Year so I can enjoy Christmas without the whinges.
    M xxx

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  32. Hi Mill's,
    How lovely to hear from you ……. I miss you.
    I still have our daughter's Teddy Ruxpin and we also have Grumpy somewhere …. maybe I should send him to MOTH ….. this isn't his favourite time of the year is it ? !!!! Just give him a Victoria Secret catalogue Mill's …. that will cheer him up !!!! XXXX

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  33. I like the face mask.... do they do a whole body version? The only unaffordable gift I'd give to myself is a little South Ken' Mews House; maybe I should buy a lottery ticket.

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  34. You'd probably need more than a lottery win to buy a South Ken mews nowdays Cro ……. as for the whole body version of the face mask, I'll do some research !!!!!! XXXX

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  35. thank you for this good moment !

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    1. It's good to laugh, isn't it Christelle ?!! XXXX

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  36. Those boxers are gross! I wouldn't mind the wine bottle though.:-)
    Have a great Christmas Jackie.xx

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    1. Aren't they Deb ?!!! …….. and, I think that we are all into the wine bottle glas !!!
      Wishing you and yours a magical Christmas. XXXX

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  37. Great post.....my nephews would love the blood bag shower gel!! Xx

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  38. Jackie I laughed so hard on the knited shorts.
    I also am so sick of this constant brainwashing commercials. The new generation want to change everything. NOTHING is good enough. They have to have 25 differnt flavors of everything, enough is enough, I can't find Dark choc. The coffee creamers have every flavor but plain. Just saw this Exodus movie and they changed the Bible. The move was so loud I have a headache, and they charge my friend $3.00 for a cup of plan water to take a pill. Bah hum bug!
    Only kidding, loved the post. Merry Chirstmas to a Beautiful normal Gal. yvonne

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    1. Hi Yvonne,
      You're right …. there is so much stuff to buy nowadays, isn't there ?
      Wishing you, Renée, David and all the family a very Merry Christmas. XXXX

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  39. I read this on my phone this morning and snort laughed coffee out my nose!! I love you and your posts Jackie ~ especially the fun ones. xoxox

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    1. Haha …. Gottcha !!!!
      Here's to more fun posts in the New Year Lori. XXXX

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  40. Oh Jackie, this was hilarious, I don't know how I missed this last week!!! I think I snorted when I read about the Uroclub...I'm still laughing now!!

    Hope you & your family are well. Thank you for your comments over at mine, we love "Polar Express", I'd heard about it for years before I finally saw it...it's a lovely film. I cry at all Christmas films I think LOL...."White Christmas" is almost more than I can bear!!

    I go past Of Special Interest twice a day these days on my way up to school in Muswell Hill, it's looking especially lovely with all the Christmas decorations in there....I always think of you when I go past!!!

    I hope that your grandson is well and the new baby too....have a wonderful Christmas Xx

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  41. Oh that Uroclub just took the biscuit, didn't it Simone ?…… and, I really do think that men use it on the golf course !!!!
    I had never heard about ' The Polar Express ' until last week ….. I loved it as much as our grandson !!
    I always think of you too when I go into Of Special Interest……Belinda really makes the shop look so beautiful at Christmas….. she has such a great eye for interiors. Maybe we will bump into each other soon !!
    Wishing all of you the most magical of Christmases. Lots of love. XXXX

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  42. Jackie, Well, this collection of Christmas presents are perfect because they made me laugh. I can't stand the madness of Christmas and buying gifts either!
    I can't decide which is my favourite in this little collection. Maybe the smoking mitts or the knitted pants are very fetching. Hahaha!
    Anyway, have a great Christmas and I hope it is a peaceful one for you!
    Best wishes,
    Jo. xx

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    1. Hi Jo,
      they made me laugh ….. especially the Uroclub !!!!
      Wishing you and yours a wonderful Christmas … lots of love. XXXX

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  43. Popping over again to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy and Magical New Year! I am still laughing about your crazy photo's :-) Have fun the coming days!

    Love,

    Madelief x

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    1. Happy, happy Christmas Madelief ……. bitterweet for you, I know but, you have your lovely girls so I know you will have a lovely time with them. Thinking of you and your family and sending love from the UK. Much love Madelief. XXXX

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